


sunshine.

by delicates



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, this is going to be really sad I'm sorry, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 22:05:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18821671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicates/pseuds/delicates
Summary: "the sun can't shine forever."





	sunshine.

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning.

▽

PRESENT

 

 

 

    The blanket of silence that covers the room with the exception of the ticking clock is one that Evan had grown accustomed to long ago. It’s a familiar kind from the years before— one that leaves him alone with nothing but his thoughts for company. He’s never the first to break it either. No, he leaves that to the man sitting across from him, his therapist Vincent, whose pen is quietly scratching against the papers attached to the clipboard balancing on his knee. When he’s finished he sets the pen down and clears his throat, gathering Evan’s attention. 

    “It’s been fifteen minutes since our session started,” Vincent begins tiredly. “and you haven’t said a thing.” 

    The younger boy shrugs, eyes wandering towards the clock hanging on the wall. “I don’t have anything to say.”

_ False _ .

    Vincent follows his gaze and presses his lips into a thin line. “You haven’t had anything to say these past six months and I’ve been patient. You’re avoiding what happened and it’s not healthy.” Evan shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his coat and digs his nails deep into the palms of his hands, jaw visibly clenching at the fact the older man had finally called him out, also sensing the direction their conversation was taking him in. This reaction presses Vincent to continue. “Your brother is worried about you. He says that you’re not sleeping well.”  

    Whatever response Evan had waiting on the tip of his tongue is lost, his mouth parting open in surprise as his complexion flushes. It was no secret that Evan was susceptible to nightmares; he began experiencing them not even a week after the incident. The medication he was prescribed was rendered useless almost immediately. Guilt had its claws embedded deep into his conscience, plaguing his mind with endless what if’s _. _

__ Evan knows he can’t lie his way out of this one judging by the knowing glint in Vincent’s eyes. Not this time. He visibly startled in front of him. The realization that there’s no escaping dawns on him and his heart begins to thud painfully against his ribcage. Panic claws at his chest when he suddenly finds himself overwhelmed, struggling to breathe properly as his throat tightens up when his vision blurs with tears. He lurches forward until he’s hunched over. The wall he’s spent his time building up begins to crumble brick by brick, and  _ fast _ .

    He feels a large hand settle on his thigh and when Evan glances up, he finds that his therapist has moved to crouch in front of him, taking on a soothing tone as he attempts to calm the other down. “Breathe,” Vincent encourages. “In through the nose and out through the mouth. Slowly.”

    It takes several minutes for the panic to subside, the trembling of his body lessening as time passes. A few shaky breaths later and Evan can breathe again. He doesn’t notice how gross he must look with his nose dripping with snot and face sticky with tears until Vincent is reaching over towards the side table next to them and pulling Evan’s hands from his pockets to press tissues into them. 

    The younger mumbles his thanks and wipes his face clean. Vincent returns to his seat, resuming his previous position with the clipboard on his lap, waiting patiently for the younger to pull himself together. The lapse of silence that falls over the duo is a bearable one. Evan takes this moment to collect his thoughts and finds himself failing to speak multiple times. He’s unsure of where to even begin.

    As if noticing his dilemma, Vincent asks gently; “Do you know why you have nightmares?”

    With a shaky exhale, Evan breathes “yes” and worries his bottom lip. His chest begins to ache again and he isn’t aware he’s crying until the tears splash against his clasped hands. Surely it was normal to feel anxious? Opening up and baring your soul wasn’t an easy thing to do right? 

     So through trembling lips and watery eyes, he whispers; 

    “His name was Raine Lee and I was the one who found him.”

**Author's Note:**

> sunshine is one big vent session. it is ugly, dark, and twisted through and through. this is personal. this is me. these are people i’ve been around. i don't really have much of anything to say other than that.
> 
>  
> 
> twitter: KIMIZUKlS


End file.
